Hiya.
some may have noticed that I haven't blogged for ages or been posting as much on Instagram.
When things are rubbish I'm not able to pretend and carry on like nothings going on.
Yes, I mostly show the good stuff but recently there hasn't been much at all.
Basically over Christmas and New Year I had a breakdown (I know rubbish timing right)! To be honest it's been brewing for a while- at least a couple of years probably.
I've tried quite a few different anti-depressants since I had Post natal depression following Eddie's birth 3 and a half years ago, but they all made me sick and even more anxious than I already was. I kept telling myself I wasn't really that depressed, then I got extreme anxiety and I thought oh it's OK everyones anxious once they have kids. It's only now that I'm on medication that seems to be working, I realise I should have tried them years ago! Although I'm only 3 weeks in, I'm already seeing an improvment in some areas.
I never wanted my blog to be negative or depressing but after taking a break I have realised I can't change what myself and my family are going through and if writing about it and being honest helps with my recovery then thats a good thing. I've so desperately wanted to keep blogging but I've had that voice at the back of my head saying "No one's going to want to read this". But this is me right now!
I'm really not very good with actually talking about things face to face, the last few weeks, pretty much every time someone talks to me I've burst into tears. Not even many people who know me in real life that I see every day know what's been going on, so if i've been in daze, walked past you, avoided eye contact, not replied to messages, avoided meeting up and pretty much come across rude then this is why. I'm getting so much support and I am so grateful to my family and friends for sticking with me and supporting my husband and kids also.
Much love, and here's to 2016!!!
xxx
